Well, then I ate twice as many, and then they said they were bad. Maybe because there’s something universal about eating; everyone does it, everyone looks at a chicken and knows that it’s a chicken, and tries to figure out why it’s crossing the road. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Restaurant Joke 14 Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant every day. The only difference in my life when I'm on a diet is instead of saying "I ate nachos," I say "I accidentally ate nachos.". "—, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents, “I’m only taking this class so I don’t eat for an hour.”, “Who knew 40 years of neglect would have repercussions?”, “Does this body make me look fat?” —Mark Garvey. "—@JimGaffigan, My fitness coach told me to bend down and touch my toes. They sleep in the silliest places, climb to the craziest heights, and hide in the narrowest spots.And while we love our furry feline friends, we sometimes can't help but have a laugh at their expense. It's not you, it's me. Whatever you do, do not stop laughing! Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? I said, “I don’t have that kind of relationship with my feet. I'm undertall. You have a Slim-Fast for breakfast, a Slim-Fast for lunch; then, you eat a "sensible dinner." If you’re on the prowl for more food joke romance, check out these 15 punny food pick-up lines that guarantee a chuckle. A beer in each hand. During a recent trip to visit my son and his family, I stopped off at a bakery to pick up dessert. My refrigerator magnets keep pulling me to the kitchen. I heard Bruce Willis is trying to lose weight. So the man throws on his clothes and jumps in the closet. Because they are on a stable diet. What does a man consider a seven course meal? After a year like 2020, a Thanksgiving dinner full of laughter is just what we all need. A carrot. 0. Laugh off the extra pounds with these very funny quips about over-eating! What’s the most desirable kitchen appliance? Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden A: Seizure salad Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? What a relief! Diet tip: Your pants won't get too tight if you don't wear any. What’s the main ingredient in canned laughter? Well, now I'm really fucked! Q. Check out 75 of the corniest jokes ever for all you diehard cornballs. Commit publicly to diet on FB If your funny bone still needs some exercise, here are 20 hilarious science jokes, from someone who got a B- in science. Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Simon Holland @simoncholland. More than a few of the best vegetarian jokes out there involve eating people. While shopping for a bathroom scale, I found one that tracks not only weight but also body fat, bone mass, and water percentage. I nixed that one in favor of a low-tech model. Want some more food jokes to walk you into a bar? If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge? 2. You are tasteless, boring, and I can't stop cheating on you. What does a nosey pepper do? He looked up and said:"My grandpa has lived for 95 years and he is still well and healthy, you know." So I stopped eating eggs, and ten years later they said they were good again! 3. 0. See TOP 10 food one liners. Ambrose Bierce Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. What part of a meal makes you the most sleepy? The most annoying are those people in exceptionally good shape at the gym. But I did, and that's all that matters. Jokes from Prayables: You've done it again - eaten too much when you know you shouldn't have. I'm at a point where you can definitely tell I like chocolate cake. I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.—@sbellelauren, My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—@msgweni, The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback, "If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting. Eating Too Much Jokes. Eating Jokes 6 Jokes: A guy walks into the doctor's office. The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon. Eating Food/Drink Questions. Trail mix is just an inconvenient way to eat M&Ms. Hey, Lady! “I want two hamburgers,” he said. A hot dog and a six pack of beer. I have removed all the food from the house. A. A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet? I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me. Q. You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner! Just take a long journey with your friends. —"Laugh Yourself Healthy," by Charles Hunter. It's watching what other people eat. “Nouvelle cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid $96 and I'm still hungry.” Mike Kalin. I'm not vegetarian because I love animals. Q: What's a vegetable's favourite casino game? What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet? Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon. What kind of vegetable is known for spoiling? A: A pickle wearing a tuxedo. More of a turkey and gravy person? As soon as it's light she starts to eat. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night. Funny turkey jokes are the perfect way to make everyone at the table laugh. Back to Jokes. I tell people I'm on a low-carb diet. Restaurants will alwa. So I was eating this cereal, and I had all these questions and comments; luckily there was a number on the box. Almonds are good for when I want to … Whether it's intentional or not, cats are some of the funniest creatures on earth. The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96. “One with onions, and one without.” The counter man: “Okay. 14 jokes about meals. I know it's three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night? 4. It can be assumed that this kind of humor follows a simple logic. Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. A: You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner! Two Cannibals Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. No? How do you make a recipe pop with ginger? A: Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake. Let go of the purse. Eat up some more of the best jokes about food. While shopping for a bathroom scale, I found one that tracks not only weight but also body fat, bone mass, and water percentage. Glutton: A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia. You're done.". Food jokes got you craving comedy? We can’t make your kids eat their vegetables, but our food jokes for kids will help bring some laughs to the dinner table. Food jokes mean big belly laughs. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Bad jokes or dad jokes -- call them what you will -- sometimes they just do the trick. ... 100 Jokes About Trying To Be Healthy That Will Make You LOL. Every time I make plans to eat better, I can hear my stomach laughing. Is it true that a collection of jokes about dieting can be referred to as: 'a binge of jokes'? Wife : Hide in the closest and you'll be fine. Jokes News Laugh for Fun.- Funny, Blonde, Pepito, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes. Patron 2: I don’t tip, either. Because he was on a roll. Gets jalapeno business. I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.—, My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—, The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—, "If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting. Q: Why go to the paint store when you're on a diet? Then they said they're good, they're bad, they're good, the whites are good, th-the yellows - make up your mind! A guy is eating out a old lady when she farts, the old lady says "oh dear I'm sorry" and the guy says- Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone. Put the green juice down and stock up on these diet jokes and vegetarian puns. We recommend our users to update the browser. Eating out a girl... Is like smoking a cigarette. 13 man jokes. She heard you could get thinner there. A: Because they cantaloupe. 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