So what are you waiting for? You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Another Ball in the Trees. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. How the heck did that happen? So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Watch their eyes. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. The other 20. Don't dirt your soul. They expect to succeed! Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. Required fields are marked *. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? One minute youre bleeding. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? 20. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. Very interesting. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Fantastic 4-some. nay I my child, and eke, oh! He was puttering around. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. If we . No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. In case he gets a hole in one. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. 3. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? He couldnt stop puttzing around! Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Why are golf and sex so similar? Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. You okay with that? "Damn, my shaft is all bent." There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Just tap it in. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. Jack Benny. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. My shaft is bent. clubs. All through the night they made wild love together. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. 8. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! 2. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Damn, girl. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Lee Trevino, 59. but I can show you what is! It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. I know what to look for. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Knock, knock If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? And it's damn funny. Id cry too if I played golf like you. Why didnt the golfer get his homework done? That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Always keep learning. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. I stepped on a rake.". Golf Quotes About Life 22. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Its just really hard to play. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? He said. Whos there? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Have fun. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. . if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); You shot an eight. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. no! Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. when we were married," said the pouting wife. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. I stepped on a rake. When is it too wet to play golf? She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. Because it would interrupt their tea time. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Its almost a law. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. When your golf cart capsizes. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. Happy Gilmore. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. They have been there where we are standing now. Wodehouse, 31. Your email address will not be published. Here, have a carrot! The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? Missed the ball and sank the divot. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Please add a link to this article. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Peter Jacobson, 33. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. 3. Drop some in the comments! What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Fore! Why did the golfer have to change his socks? The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. Whos there? You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! I chipped in from the rough! Dirty Golf Sayings. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. They dont have the heart for it. Basketball is a sport for black men. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. I was actually enjoying it. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. We have a threesome, care to join us? Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. 4. Dean Martin, He loved the game. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". I never prayed that I would make a putt. Your email address will not be published. All the fans are gone! Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. fodrizzle. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. PG Wodehouse. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. My three keys to success: One, work hard. Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Nothing. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. I've got some good news. Whos there? The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Golfing? Knock, knock The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. 5. Is everything okay?. He said. See you in the Email! ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Play golf. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. 1. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Robert Fuller Murray, The uglier a mans legs are, the better he plays golf. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. What do you call a lion playing golf? I'm pretty good with my short putts. Oh my God, what have I just said?". 1. You need to adjust your grip. I am a Musician. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about!